They Watched
by GoingVintage
Summary: Formerly called "She Watched." Now a Puckleberry TWO-SHOT from both Rachel and Puck's perspectives. Also now Rated M for Puck's potty-mouth and brief mention of adult themes.....
1. She Watched

**A/N: So "To Have and to Hold" is totally not done, I know…. (I will resume working on that momentarily.) But I was feeling angsty and can't focus too much thanks to the new puppy… Anyway, this one-shot is the result.**

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Rachel never knew where the attraction came from. Yes, she knew Noah Puckerman was a handsome specimen. The strong muscles, defined jaw, seductive eyes, and even a stupid haircut that he somehow made look dashing – _that_ part of the attraction, she understood perfectly. But the attraction to his sulkiness, his usually negative attitude, and his questionable morals? That appeal made little sense to an overly sensible girl like Rachel Berry. And it questioned her very intelligence that she really began wanting him _after_ they broke up…_after_ he finally started dating Quinn Fabray. Lying in bed at night, Rachel began to think she had some strange form of Stockholm Syndrome when it came to Quinn Fabray, who was, after all, her tormentor for many years. Perhaps every boy that Quinn was involved with, Rachel was required to fall for? All she knew is that seeing Quinn and Puck together in the halls, sitting next to one another in Glee, and occasionally running into them on the weekends made her heart ache with unfulfilled desire for something that she knew would never, ever be hers again.

Knowing she had to remain detached, she got into the habit of avoiding him whenever humanly possible. Other than forced contact during musical numbers, she tried very hard to make Noah as much of a stranger as possible. Instead, she watched him from afar.

-----

Her eyes followed him when he danced with Quinn on prom night. Quinn was named Queen, of course. And even though it was awkward, Finn was named King. They both stayed composed and as soon as they were crowned, Noah pulled Quinn into his arms and spun her across the floor. At the end of the night, as he and Quinn left to go check into their hotel room, he stopped walking for a moment and captured Rachel's gaze with his. Nodding in her direction, he continued on his way and out of her sight. She went home the same way she had arrived – alone - and cried herself to sleep.

-----

She watched him the day he sang Quinn a song in Glee practice much the way he had done for her at a past point in time. Her heart throbbed as he hit every note perfectly and he was so on-pitch that she wondered why Mr. Schuester didn't immediately make him the new male lead. He ran circles around Finn. That night at home, she went to iTunes and bought the song he had sung. Loading it onto her iPod, she looped it and listened to it play over and over again until she was lulled into a dreamless sleep.

-----

She was sitting on the bleachers the day she saw Noah and Finn finally speaking. They spoke for a long time and Rachel observed that they both appeared tense. Finally, the two parted ways. But before they left, they shook hands and patted each other on the shoulders. As Puck walked along the edge of the bleachers, he saw Rachel and ticked his head up quickly in acknowledgement. She sent him a half-smile and looked down, glad that the two were working on mending their damaged friendship.

-----

She studied him the day he and Quinn proudly introduced their baby girl to the Glee club. He was beaming, looking every bit the proud Poppa. When he looked at Quinn, Rachel was sure she saw the love in his eyes. As the baby was passed down the line from one person to the next, she slipped from the room. She hated herself for skipping out on the introductions but she couldn't look at that beautiful little girl without feeling like part of heart was breaking into a thousand pieces that could never be reassembled.

-----

The summer they all went to music camp, he was always in her peripheral vision. One night, he snuck through the darkness, coming to the girls' cabin, to see Quinn. When he crept in through the back cabin door, he locked eyes with Rachel for just a moment in the moonlight before seeking out Quinn. She would have been overwhelmed, giddy even, at that one particular glance, which had seemed so intense and full of emotion, had she not known that they were sneaking out to have a secret sexual rendezvous somewhere by the lake.

-----

She watched him the day she and her new boyfriend, Luke, ran into the happy couple at the mall. Introductions were awkward and rushed. Quinn engaged Luke in small talk about his classes at the local college while Puck just stood still, hands shoved in his pockets, looking at the surrounding stores. Rachel stared at the scuffs on her black flats, wishing Lima were larger so these types of horrible unplanned meetings never happened. When they said their goodbyes, Rachel allowed herself to sneak a glance at his striking face. His eyes were already on her and she felt electricity shoot from her heart into her toes. After they parted, Luke commented how nice her friends where. She mumbled a flippant response as she watched his back grow smaller and smaller in the distance. The rest of the night, she was barely able to focus.

-----

She watched helplessly the day he got down on one knee as soon as graduation was over and proposed to Quinn in front of the entire student body. Rachel let her tears fall freely, knowing it would be futile to try and stifle them. Everyone thought she was crying out of sheer joy for the two young parents, both of which were such close friends with the entire group that they were all like family. She saw his eyes sweep over the crowd of Glee kids and settle on her tear-stained cheeks. She looked away, wishing she could be anywhere but where she was.

-----

She looked everywhere but at him the night of the "Glee Goodbyes" party held at Mercedes' house before everyone went off to college. She made sure she was rarely in the same room as him. She was aware that the wedding was four months away but she had no intention of going to it. Even though she knew it would hurt Quinn's feelings, Rachel was worried about her own heart more than anyone else's for once. She could be around them together – she had been forced to the last year and a half - but she would _not_ watch him promise to love another girl for the rest of their lives. She almost made it through the entire night of the party without so much as a shared glance but then ran into him in the hallway by the bathroom as the party was beginning to wind down. He stared at her awkwardly, not speaking at first. Finally, he told her that he hoped she did well in New York and that he was sure the rest of the world would be lucky to enjoy her talent. He reminded her not to forget the little people, like him, back in Lima once she was famous before he enveloped her in a hug and held her a little longer than he should have. As he walked away, he ignored the wetness on his shirt and the look of heartbreak in her eyes as she told him goodbye. His gut said that he wouldn't see her again and he knew it was for the best, even if he hoped he was wrong.

-----

When the wedding invitation arrived a month later, it took her three days to get up the nerve to open it. Once she did, she read the words over and over again before throwing it in the trash, the ink running across the paper, the ornate calligraphy now unreadable from her hot tears.

-----

She cursed the gods of fate that brought her home the weekend of the wedding four months later. Her fathers were having a recommitment ceremony and Rachel had to come back to Lima. She stayed away, holed up in her house, for most of the visit. But Saturday afternoon, four hours before Noah Puckerman and Quinn Fabray became "The Puckermans", Rachel went to the mall to pick out a gift for her fathers. As she was leaving Hallmark, she wasn't paying attention to her steps and ran smack into a tall, broad, muscular body. Looking up, Rachel went white as her eyes locked with Noah's. She apologized and tried to get away quickly, without having to make horribly painful small talk, but his strong hand circled her wrist and held her firm in her spot. For the first time in four months, she looked into his hazely green eyes. If she hadn't been standing before him, his gazed intently fixed upon her, she would have squeezed her eyes shut to block out his stare. Instead, with his handsome face now burned into her retinas, she smiled a smile that never quite reached her eyes and bade him hello. He greeted her, told her that she was looking well, and asked her if he'd see her at his wedding later that day. Rachel flinched at the words "my wedding" and the reaction did not go unnoticed by him. If there had been a way for her to disappear just then, she would have done it. Her past and her future seemed to collide as she stood in front of the Hallmark store with the boy - no, man - she loved staring down at her for what was surely the last time. Sucking in a breath against the misery rushing through her body as he stood before her, his scent surrounding her, Rachel decided that she had nothing left to lose by speaking. Putting her hand on his arm, she whispered, "I can't watch the man I love marry someone else. I won't be there. But I hope you have a great life with much happiness." Choking on her words, she added, "You deserve it," before she turned on the balls of her feet and disappeared into the crowd. Unmoving, he watched her go, the spot where she had laid her diminutive hand still warm and tingling.

-----

Later that night, she watched her fathers recommit themselves to one another. But her mind was across town at the wedding she had avoided. Looking at the clock, she knew that by that time, they were now married and probably well into their happy little reception. She pictured them dancing; his muscular body turning in perfect time with Quinn's graceful one as they moved across the dance floor. Chastising herself, she wondered why she was hell-bent on self-torture. She quickly eked out an excused to leave the room, locked the bathroom door behind her, and threw up.

-----

She drove past his house one last time the next morning before she headed to the airport. She didn't know what she expected to see so she wasn't surprised when she saw nothing out of the ordinary. Realizing he was probably leaving for his honeymoon, she said a silent prayer to _not_ run into the two of them at the airport. She wanted to get back to New York and throw her whole heart, mind, body, and soul into forgetting Noah Puckerman and the fact that she had loved him for two years. Knowing that he was forever gone, never able to become hers now, actually made it easier for her to cope. As she boarded the plane, she hoped that finally, she could live a life without his name imprinted on her heart.

-----

Immersing herself in college life, Rachel did well. In fact, she actually began to thrive. She landed the parts she wanted, dated the guys who caught her eye, and made friends more easily than she ever had back in high school. Slowly, Lima, Ohio was becoming little more than "the town my parents live in" and that suited her just fine. Occasionally, she would see a man with Noah's build or with his eye color and images of him would come rushing back to her. But she pushed them away with gusto, knowing he was miles away with his wife and daughter, living the exact life he had dreamed about since the day he found out Quinn was pregnant. She would close her eyes and hope that someday, she would meet _her_ Noah and hope that she would become _his _Quinn, whomever he was. That hope kept her going; kept her trudging through the sometimes-horrendous world of dating.

-----

Rachel's resolve all came crashing down, though, four months after Puck and Quinn walked down the aisle. On a Saturday morning, she heard a knock on her dorm door. Opening it, she met Noah's troubled, even angry, gaze. He spat the words "Why did you wait until the day I was supposed to marry Quinn to tell me that you loved me?" out at her before she had even truly comprehended that he was there. She stared, not blinking, because she was thoroughly confused as to why he was standing outside her dorm door _in New York._ When she didn't answer, he pushed himself past her and inside her small room. Looking around at her neat, organized surroundings, he sat down on her bed and repeated the question again but with less anger in his voice. Pulling the chair out from her desk, she put as much distance between them as possible and told him that, in all honesty, she had nothing left to lose that day so finally, after two years, she said what was in her heart. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. When he didn't say anything, she asked him how Quinn and his daughter were. His response was unexpected: "I didn't marry her." Rachel said nothing, too shocked to speak. He repeated the words again. "I didn't marry her." Finally she looked up, meeting his darkened stare, and asked why. Calmly, he told her that it wasn't right to marry one woman when you loved another. Pushing himself from his perch on the bed, he reached her spot in the room in two strides. Sliding to the floor, he set himself between her knees and looked into her eyes. His voice barely above a whisper, he told her that it had broken his heart for two years to watch her from afar. He knew she couldn't be his because of Quinn and the baby but it hadn't changed the desire he felt. Believing she deserved better than him, he let her go and decided to marry Quinn. But then she confessed her feelings for him, a scant four hours before he was to start his life with someone else. That had been the last straw. Calling Quinn, he had apologized profusely but told her that he couldn't marry her because they both deserved to be with someone because of love and not because of duty. After their blow-up, which Noah called "epic", he had remained in Lima to allow for a cooling-off period. But he awoke that very morning and told himself that _this_ was the day he claimed what was his. She sobbed as he spoke, unbelieving of his words. When he took her into his arms and kissed her, she finally believed him.

-----

Rachel watched him the day she walked down the aisle. His eyes were gleaming, greener than she had ever seen them. When her father placed her hand in Noah's in front of the officiator, their eyes met and locked. For once, Rachel didn't have to look away out of guilt. He was hers – his name was forever imprinted on her heart. And in just a few minutes, they would start their lives as "The Puckermans."


	2. He Watched

**A/N: For you, KittyGoddess415!!!! (And also because I think I'm in love with Puck myself - I can't stop writing about him!)**

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Rachel Berry was like a human tornado. She swirled from one spot to another, a flurry of words, attitude, and shiny chestnut locks. Except for when she sang – then she was more like a prophetic angel. Her cheeks would turn pink, her chest would heave as she belted out whatever it was she happened to be singing – watching her was like being transported to another world. In_ that _world, Puck wasn't a fuck-up, he hadn't knocked up his best friend's girl, and he hadn't spent most of his life being a grade-A asshole to everyone he came in contact with. In _Rachel's_ world, he was the guy Rachel thought he could be a_ll the time. _ Her belief in him let him become anything he wanted instead of what he thought he had to be. But as the last lilting note left her body, the house lights would come back up, and he would be transported back to the real world. It was_ his_ world – the one he was forced to deal with – and she couldn't be part of it. No, Rachel wasn't meant for Lima, Ohio. The fact that she was even there in the first place seemed like a cruel joke. She didn't belong. She was too much...too strong for a cow-town like Lima. So tucking his feelings for the big-voiced girl with the tiny body aside, he realized he had three obligations in life: Be the best father possible to his daughter, stay by Quinn's side because she deserved at least that much, and keep Rachel at arm's length so that when she left Lima for the last time, he would barely notice that she had gone.

-----

Puck watched her from his new vantage point in Glee. Having always sat in the back row, he was forced to move to the front row once he and Quinn started dating. Their hands together, fingers locked, he noticed that the longing glances Rachel used to shoot Finn were long-gone. Instead, those big brown eyes focused on Mr. Schue's every word, rarely looking around the room. He made wisecracks a few times, hoping to get her to turn his way with a smile or a laugh but she never did. Not once. Instead, he was greeted with Quinn's glowering at him, telling him to grow up.

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When Mr. Schue finally assigned him to sing a duet with her, he played it off cooly, even though he was happy to get a solo for once. Quinn was just happy that her boyfriend was finally getting a solo since her ex-boyfriend was the one who always got them before. He knew from singing back-up to a Rachel/Finn duet that they'd be forced to practice a lot and they'd be dancing around one another, gazing into each other's eyes, the whole time they sang. So he was surprised when she sang to his forehead, or his ear, even to his shoes but never to _him._ During their third practice after school, alone in the auditorium, when she refused to get any closer to him than three feet away, he told her that the song fucking sucked and walked out. After they finally performed it for Mr. Schue and the club, he was relieved that it was over with. It was only later that night, lying in his bed, that he realized that he wasn't Finn...she only sang like that to Finn. It both hurt him and relieved him at the same time. Had she been singing directly to him, he would have fallen back into _her_ world and that's the last place he needed to be.

-----

He watched her the day he and Quinn brought their baby girl into meet the Glee club. She looked uncomfortable, he could tell. As the baby was passed from person to person, he was caught up in bragging about how adorable she was and how she had his good looks. When the baby got to the spot where Rachel had been sitting, she wasn't there. It made it easier. He wasn't sure he could stand to watch the girl he shouldn't love hold the baby girl he would love forever while the girl he was trying his damnedest to love looked on.

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Against his better judgment (and despite the fact that he found the whole idea completely fucking gay), he left his baby girl with his mother so that he, Quinn, and the rest of the Glee clubbers could spend several weeks at music camp. He was really beginning to enjoy his time with Quinn by then. When they spent time alone, he was happier than he had _almost_ ever been, save that one week last year when his girlfriend had been a different girl who lived in a completely different world from him. He was pumped at the opportunity to sneak out of his cabin and head over to Quinn's for a little rendezvous out by the lake. But when he snuck inside the girls' cabin, his eyes connected with Rachel's. For just a few seconds, he was unable to look away. For a few seconds, everything in his fucking world was forgotten but the moonlight that played off her sparkling gaze. Then Quinn appeared, breaking Rachel's hold and they snuck away together, leaving Rachel staring after them.

-----

He wanted to break something the night he and Quinn were hanging out at the mall and they ran into _her _and her boyfriend, Lark, Lake, Luke – whatever the fuck his name was. Instead of just walking away, Quinn decided to stop and chat. He could smell Rachel's scent – a combination of shampoo, body wash, and an unidentifiable perfume – and it made his stomach hurt like he'd been sucker-punched. When Quinn was finally done talking after about a half a fucking hour, he looked at Rachel only to see her staring at him. Their eyes locked for a moment and he felt his heart clench. Later that night, Quinn told him that she loved him, loved their daughter, loved the family they had created. Her words made him realize that he was living the life he was supposed to live and didn't belong in that other world.

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Graduation day was a day he thought he would never actually see. But then he'd become a father and had a reason to go to class. So that day, after diplomas were handed out, he dropped to one knee and proposed to the girl he loved but wasn't _in_ love with. After Quinn gave him a tearful "yes" and hugged him tightly to loud applause, his eyes searched the crowd of their peers and was shocked to see tears streaking down _her_ cheeks. For a split second, he wished she were crying for _him_ and not because women always stupidly cried at engagements.

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The night of the "Glee Goodbyes" party at Mercedes' house, he barely saw her. She seemed to flit from room to room – whatever room he wasn't in and frankly, it pissed him off. But then he ran into her in the hallway when the party was almost over. She looked horrified, her eyes wide, when they nearly collided in the narrow hall. Not sure of what to say, he said a bunch of impersonal platitudes, wishing her well in New York and telling her he knew the world would love her talent. But when he pulled her into a hug – the first time they had touched in a very, very long time – he couldn't let go. He felt her body tremble in his arms and his chest became so tight that he thought he was having a heart attack. When she walked away with a whispered goodbye, his shirt was wet, matching the wetness on her cheeks. He almost ran after her, almost grabbed her hand, to ask her if she was going to miss him as much as he would miss her, but he didn't. He had been waiting for this moment for a long time – the moment she would finally leave Lima and be out of his life for good. Lima with one less person, especially if that person was larger than life like she was, was bound to make his life easier.

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The next evening, when he knew she was on a plane to New York, the burning in his chest was so tight that he told Quinn he wasn't feeling well and went to bed at 7pm. His long-held hope of barely noticing that she had left hadn't worked. He knew only too...and knowing was a fucking bitch to deal with.

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As he got out of his car at the post office a month later, he decided to flip through the wedding invitations one last time before dropping them in the box. His eyes settled on her name and address and he almost pulled it out of the stack and threw it away. He was definitely moving ahead with his plans to marry Quinn and be the father that was there for his daughter but it would be a lot easier if he didn't have to say his "I dos" in front of the girl he was afraid he would love forever but could never touch. Instead, he mailed the invitation anyway because if he hadn't, Quinn would question him and her bitching wasn't worth the trouble.

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The day of the wedding, he was surprisingly calm because he'd been preparing to live this life with this woman since the day he found out she was pregnant. He hadn't seen Quinn because she was getting ready at her parents' house. Four hours before the wedding, Quinn called him to ask him if he had gotten the mother-of-the-bride gifts. Swearing under his breath because he'd forgotten, he hopped into his car and headed to the mall, Quinn's voice still echoing in his head about what to get and where to get it. Not paying attention, he nearly shit himself when his body collided with Rachel's as she was tearing out of Hallmark in her typical trademark tornado-like fashion. His tongue felt like sandpaper as he tried to formulate words. He hadn't expected to see her. She hadn't RSVPed. In fact, she hadn't responded at all. Like a douchebag, he asked her if she'd be at _his_ wedding later in the day. He watched as her eyes became distant, watery even, and she sucked in a breath. And then she laid her hot hand on his arm and said the words that turned his entire world on its fucking head. She told him that she wouldn't be there because she couldn't watch the man she loved marry someone else. Before he could even pull himself out of the haze her admission had caused, she was gone, lost in the Saturday mall crowd. Her words bouncing through his head, coupled with the fact that the spot she'd touched on his arm burned like it had been doused with hot oil, were the only proof that she had even been there. He stood there stupidly, the words _she loves me, she fucking loves me_ replaying over and over in his head until he felt dizzy. Then he made a decision: he couldn't marry Quinn.

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He felt like shit when he called Quinn's house an hour later, already on his way to being drunk off his ass, and told her that he wasn't going through with the wedding. She began screeching, her nasally voice reaching octaves he had never before heard. He explained to her that neither one of them were _in love_ with one another...they loved their daughter and had forced themselves to believe that _that_ love was enough to build a lifelong foundation upon. She screamed again, and he could hear her throwing everything she could put her angry hands on. He checked into a hotel, away from everyone, and drank until he passed out. Rachel's words were his only companion other than Jose Cuervo and Jack Daniels.

-----

When he sobered up the next day, he wanted to run to her. He knew he was an asshole but even _he _ wasn't that big of an asshole to chase after one chick after he'd dumped another practically at the alter. He knew he had to wait until the hooplah over his cancelling the wedding died down. So he stayed in Lima...but his heart was on a plane back to New York.

-----

She was everywhere. He would see a woman with her hair color and his heart would pound. His waitress would have her brown eyes and they would send blood rushing to his ears, his entire head hurting from the pain of her _not_ being there. He even had to stop watching his favorite pornos because every girl became her, every dick became his, and every forced moan sounded like her voice with his name on her lips....

-----

One morning, four months after the wedding that wasn't, he felt his grip on reality about to fucking snap. He drove as fast as his piece-of-shit car would take him to the airport and bought the first ticket to New York that he found. Several hours later, he was walking to her dorm door with a speech prepared. When he knocked and she opened the door, the only thing he could ask was why she had waited until the day he was supposed to get married to tell him that she loved him. She didn't stop as he pushed his way past her and came inside. He asked the question again because at that moment, that's the only answer he needed. _Nothing else mattered_. Her eyes, nervous and pooling with unshed tears, focused on his as she told him that she had nothing left to lose. She knew that if she told him, at least it was finally said and she could hopefully learn to breath again without the weight of her love for him pressing against her chest. She asked how Quinn and the baby were and he blurted out that he hadn't married her...that he couldn't marry Quinn when he loved Rachel. He realized that marrying for love was a lot more important than marrying for duty. He gazed at her as her eyes began leaking tears and then she was in his arms and they were kissing and everything else, _every bit_ of the shit he had endured, became totally worth it.

-----

He watched her face later that night as he slipped first his fingers, then his tongue, and finally his dick deep inside her. Her face contorted with pleasure and passion as he slid himself roughly in and out of her, whispering the words he had wanted to say for two years with his mouth and conveying the words he was unable to express with his body. Even as he moved inside her, he was overwhelmed by the fact that for once, he was _finally_ making love to the right girl, not the wrong one. He watched her mouth form a perfect "O" as she came apart around him, her eyes rolling back in her head and words of eternal love escaping from her lips.

-----

He nervously gazed at the end of the aisle as her fathers took her hands and began walking with her. Dressed in white, she was a vision to behold as she slowly paced her way up the aisle. Her fathers passed her hand to him and he took it, their gazes locking on one another. It was then that he realize that _her _world – the world where he was a good man who could do anything he wanted to do as long as she loved him - was now _their _world, and he didn't even have to get her to sing to get there...


End file.
